Despite my pre-Christmas season commitment to avoid the annual commercialized Christmas pressure, I find myself drowning in a sea of cheap bows and ugly wrapping paper yet again.

Besides the nasty glue gun burn on my finger (yes, the same finger I snipped open with kitchen shears last summer) obtained while obsessively creating 3D paper stars so we would have some "new" decorations this year, I've depleted my "slush fund" like a cistern in a drought to buy presents for my kids and grandson. Not lots of presents, mind you, just one or two apiece. Now I'm fretting over the dearth of gifts and the depletion of my slush security fund. And there are still names on the list...

It doesn't help that everyone around me seems to have a surplus of Christmas funds this year. From iPads to the latest gaming system, to those wretched commercials where the wife presents her husband with a brand new Lexus with a ginormous bow on the top and the husband cracks open a box of "he went to Jared"...

Besides the gift issues, in order to spend Christmas Day with grandbaby, I did something I would ordinarily NEVER do. I finagled (manipulated) an invitation to the home of my SIL's parents for Christmas dinner. The kind of invitation that comes because folks don't want to say "no, we'd rather not include you, but we won't say so because we don't want to be rude."

Blea. Why do I do this to myself again and again? Can we just skip this season?

Don't try to tell me it's all about worshiping Jesus, because I had a more spiritual worship experience with the Lord last night in my dream montage (which involved a marble grotto, holy water and a genuinely intense one-on-one with Jesus) than I've ever had doing the Christmas thing.  Seriously, there's so much hype involved in Christmas and Easter services at church that it's often hard to hear His voice.

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As for the "creating family memories" and "togetherness" idea, that disintegrated sometime after my kids became teenagers.  Yeah, I remember opening gifts and racing to the phone in the hallway (the kind that was attached to the wall, folks, with a cord and everything!) to call my friends and compare gifts. I remember wishing, desperately, that one of my friends could keep me company for Christmas dinner with the fam. I really don't want to force my kiddos to endure my idealistic holiday vision against their will, either.

*sigh*
Hubby just came home and announced we must have a "state of the finances" meeting, which means nothing good. This is where I need a fast-foward button ...


Like I said, this is my whiny post. I'm sure I'll come out of it soon. Please forgive me for pity partying!