I committed the mother-in-law's cardinal sin. I meddled.
I could justify my meddling. I was, after all, simply concerned for their safety.But justifying behaviors doesn't resolve an offense. Only an apology, given and accepted, can do that. And so I had to humble myself and apologize to my son-in-law yesterday.
Family gatherings, stress over money or health, personality conflicts, misunderstandings, lack of sleep, and too much sugar create the ideal breeding ground for strife and unforgiveness this time of year. Who hasn't left a holiday gathering disappointed, hurt, angry, embarrassed, or otherwise traumatized? It may have been the family member who drank too much and embarrassed him- or herself, or the blowup between mother and daughter about how the grandchildren are being raised, or the subtle (and not-so-subtle) criticisms about your weight or your date.
We all know how it feels to be inadvertently thrown onstage during the annual production  of Christmas family theatrics. But what happens when you realize you're the one who opened the scene? For once, don't justify yourself. Don't defend your right to behave a certain way. Don't try to explain your way out of a sticky spot. Just suck it up and say you're sorry.
'Tis the season of peace. Maintaining the spirit of Christmas isn't  about the gifts you buy, winning the holiday lighting contest, or participating in the Christmas choir. Your part is this: "As far as it is possible with you, be at peace with all men." (And women, and children, and your pets, and those irritating people in front of you in line at Wal-Mart...)
The story of Christmas is of a great and mighty deity who humbled himself to come to earth for the sake of "peace and good will toward men."
Take a cue from the Christmas carol that says, "he's making a list, and checking it twice..." Make your list, and see if you need to humble yourself and offer any apologies this holiday season, in honor of the Prince of Peace.

'Tis the season of tradition. Traditions that fill us with the spirit of love and joy. And traditions that sap our energy and drag us down like a load of coal in our stockings.

 Did you hear that collective gasp out there in cyberland? Am I slamming the traditions of Christmas? Do I dare to dis the holiday customs of our forefathers? Um. For the sake of peace and joy and goodwill, yep.

ALL Christmas traditions are not suitable or enjoyable for everyone. Traditions are very individualized, based on history and culture and personal preference.

And in reality, traditions are only good for certain seasons of our lives. Traditions have a shelf life. They expire. But instead of tossing them, we haul them out of the Christmas box and get out the defibrillators.

A dead tradition has lost its meaning and purpose. It no longer brings life. Where there was once anticipation, now there is dread. Laughter and love are replaced by irritation and strife. Don't tell me this doesn't happen to everyone. Dead traditions, and the heroic attempt to keep them alive, are the stuff of every holiday movie comedy!



For me, the annual Christmas tree-cutting excursion was a living nightmare that involved  cross-country skis, blue lips, the very real possibility of being lost in the forest, and the trauma of tromping helplessly from tree to tree while my artistic mother hemmed and hawed over which one was the "right" one.  Invariably we ended up with a tree that was too big, had weird, scrawny limbs, and never looked as good in the living room as it looked in the woods.

But a real tree was TRADITION. All else was null and void, so I extended the misery well into adulthood. The last real tree I had was a beautiful pinyon pine. I mourned that tree's death for weeks. (Granted, I was two weeks away from delivering my fourth baby and a bit emotional.) The next year we bought an artificial tree. I remember feeling like I'd done something sacrilegious. But I was astonished by the reduction in stress. No needles on the floor to kill the vacuum, no pine sap in the carpet, no cat drinking the water and shredding the couch in a sugar-induced frenzy. Last year I took it one step further. I bought a pre-lit tree, because I'm the one who puts on the lights, and I'm tired of it.


If there's a good time to shake things up in your life, this is the season. When Jesus came to earth as a baby in a manger, he instituted a whole new way of living for a people so embedded in their traditions they'd forgotten the very reason they had them. (Every time I type "tradition" I want to break into the Fiddler on the Roof song.)

Here's your tradition check-up... you may want to do this as a couple, as a family, or just by yourself. Examine each tradition. Hold it up to the light, check your motives, ask yourself, "do I love doing this?" If you can answer "yes" that's a keeper!

 What traditions engender feelings of obligation, resentment, pain, grief, or frustration? If getting out the box of "grandma's special ornaments" throws you into a week-long depression, DON'T TOUCH THE BOX! Go get some ornaments that make you happy!


Once you've pruned out the dead stuff, you'll have the time and the energy to try new things. What traditions would you like to implement? What things have you always dreamed of doing during Christmas? Maybe tickets to The Nutcracker, making and decorating a gingerbread house, going ice skating on Christmas eve, caroling, or watching the entire Home Alone series the Saturday before Christmas. You know, those things "other" people do but you've never done because you were too busy making your husband's great-great-granny's fruitcake, because "that's just the way we do things," even though everyone, including your husband,  hates fruitcake. 
(Well, I like fruitcake, but that's just me. If you've got one and you want to send it my way, I'll take it.)

Somehow, I don't think Jesus appreciates the season we're supposed to celebrate his birth turned into a frenetic, distracting, high-pressure month of extreme anxiety and stress. Instead, lay aside those dead weights and do the things that bring you joy and peace.

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."                                         ~Jesus

There's a slew of materials out there for "teaching" gratitude, from journals to coloring pages. Thankful leaves on bulletin board trees, and grateful feathers on construction paper turkeys made from the shape of a child's hand are wonderful visual reminders of what we're thankful for. But annual craft projects aren't enough to generate the lifestyle of thankfulness we want our children to experience.

"Historical accounts say that for the first Thanksgiving in 1621, the pilgrims went out and killed the deer to eat and gathered food for the three-day feast.There were no worries about what groceries had what on sale. Why? Because they ate what they had and gave thanks for it.

I’m not encouraging you to stay home from the grocery store this week. I’m not encouraging you to boycott Thanksgiving grocery sales.
Instead, I’m encouraging you to take some time to remember the reason for the holiday.

 The pilgrims threw a feast like no other because they were thankful."