No, no, not underwear.
(I've already done a series of posts about underwear.)

For the letter "U" in the a2z4u and me meme (can you believe it has been 21 weeks already?) I'm thinking about the unmentionables in the church today.

You know what I mean ... the turmoil burbling under the surface. The things we only speak of in whispered voices, behind closed doors, only with specific individuals. The stuff you don't want the rest of the congregation to know. The things you would be traumatized for your pastor or reverend to know about your life. Things you refer to as "unspoken" in prayer requests. Subjects that make us cringe when they turn up in sermons. Problems and questions there are no easy answers to. Topics we'd rather pretend don't exist in the lives of "nice" church people: domestic violence, rebellious children, emotional and/or physical adultery, racism and bigotry, addictions to drugs, alcohol, work or sports, child abuse, money trouble, depression, bipolar disorder, sexually transmitted diseases...

Seriously, I'd been in the church for almost two decades before I ever heard anyone mention God offering forgiveness and healing for STDs. Considering the number of people afflicted by these ailments, why hadn't that ever come up before? Because it's an unmentionable.

Your social background, your personal and familial history, your denomination, and your age all contribute to your idea of what is unmentionable. If you are a writer of inspirational romance, your list of unmentionables is dictated by the requirements of your preferred publisher. If you write for secular publishers, your character's Christian faith might be an unmentionable in your manuscript. Political associations further define your list of unmentionables, as do the area of the country in which you live, and the level of education you've achieved.

Many of the unmentionables from our parents' generations are no longer an issue, just as exposed bra straps and stockings fail to stir a reaction these days. Things that were hush-hush a generation or two ago, like cancer, miscarriage, and bankruptcy, are no longer kept silent, and that's a good thing. Thanks to our society's ravenous interest in politicians and entertainment stars we are privy to infidelity, addiction, mental breakdown, and every weakness and sin and failing known to man (not always a good thing). In accord with the nature of the flesh, we either embrace and accept, or we point fingers and scorn those who fall under the unforgiving lens of the paparazzi.  

In my opinion, when it comes to seeking Christ's grace and forgiveness, what we admit to and discuss in our Christian circles, there should be no limitations, no unmentionables. Jesus didn't shy away from any topics that came up for discussion ... he addressed adultery, prostitution, women's health disorders (still a whispered topic in many circles), demon possession, divorce, leprosy (the AIDS of the day), and more. I doubt there was a subject He didn't meet head on with the truth of the Gospel. How did he meet those difficult subjects? Not with condemnation, judgement, and persecution, but with grace, forgiveness, mercy and HOPE.

Do we do the same?

Can the people in your circle of faith, your sphere of influence, come to you with their unmentionables without fear of rejection and rebuke? Have you, have I, created an atmosphere of mercy and love for our children, our friends, our fellow church members and our coworkers to enter? Or are those we love and long to minister God's grace to hindered from coming to us because they see their troubles on our list of unmentionables?

Lord, help me to love those whose troubles frighten and disgust and repulse me. Help me to love with Your love beyond the unmentionables of my denomination, my generation, and my experience. Just as there is NOTHING impossible with You, and nothing outside the reach of Your mercy and grace, may my ministry in word and deed mirror Your kindness and love. In Jesus' name.

Answer the following question honestly: Do you currently have any holey underwear in your possession?
This does not just include actual holes. It includes underwear that are worn down to the elastic, as well as those which no longer resemble their original color. Those panties with the little elastic strings hanging out everywhere are the undergarment equivalent of radial tires so worn down the steel belts are exposed.

Americans spend $13 billion annually on underwear. So why do so many of us hoard those ratty, nasty pairs in the back of the drawer? Unlike worn-out or outgrown jeans, no one is offering to pay you for your old undies. (If they are, you need to run the other way, as quickly as you can!)

Underwear should not be "recycled" via the local Goodwill or Salvation Army thrift store. And there's something embarrassing about reaching in the household rag bag for a dust cloth or auto repair rag and coming up with a used pair of someone's whitey-tighties. Seriously. Who wants to dust the coffee table with Dad's old briefs?

Got old undies? Throw them away. Yes, you heard me. Insert them in the nearest trash receptacle, now!

Next question: Are your underwear holy?
There is a particular religious doctrine which instructs its followers to wear "holy" underwear. I ran across these so-called holy underwear at, of all places, a local Walmart.

I'm not going to debate whether or not the Spirit of the living God dwells in those underwear. God can indwell anyone or anything He so chooses. In the book of Acts, God's power so saturated cloths touched by the Apostle Paul that people were healed of various diseases when the cloth was laid upon their bodies.

What I am going to say, right or wrong, is that slapping a label on something - underwear, a book, a necklace, or a building - does not in and of itself make that thing holy. Holiness comes from the presence of God in a place, or upon a person, or within an object. When God shows up somewhere, he saturates that person, place, or thing with His holiness.

In that case, I suppose we're all (as many as have received Him) wearing holy undies... holy tennies... holy T-shirts... holy leather jackets... holy jeans. Hmm. I'm really glad God's presence is not limited to the holy underwear sold at Wallyworld, aren't you?

Underwear Trivia
1. August 5th is National Underwear Day.
2. In Thailand, "going commando" is illegal.
3. Japan had underwear vending machines until 1993.
4. Nearly 25% of women in Arkansas said they have a "spare" pair of underwear in their glove box.
5. Cherry is the most popular flavor of edible underwear. Chocolate is the least popular.
6. Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men.
7. The first TV commercials with real models wearing bras and panties didn't appear on national television until 1987.
8. 40% of men choose briefs. 26% go for boxer briefs. Only 5% choose thongs. (Thank heaven for small favors).
9. It is illegal to hang male and female underwear next to each other on a clothesline in Minnesota. (See, I knew washing our intimates together was how we made all these babies!)
10. Jack Singer of Warwick, NY, age 10, is the world-record holder as of June 13, 2010. Jack wore 215 pairs of underwear simultaneously, breaking the previous record of 200 pairs. 

All About Underwear Quiz

(If you win a lot of money on Jeopardy or Who Wants To Be A Millionaire with one of these tidbits, I expect you to share!)

Sources: Fundies, Vital Statistics, National Underwear Day
Photo credits: TLVshac@Flickr, bipbip.info

Every culture has rites of passage from the carefree days of childhood into adult responsibility and privilege, and into old age. In the church, there's baptism, first communion, bat and bar mitzvahs. Social rites of passage might include dating, engagement, marriage, and having children. We have economic rites, too, like getting your first savings account, or credit card, or closing on your first home purchase.

And then there are the underwear rites. No, I'm not kidding.
The first stages are obvious: diapers, training pants, and finally - big kid underwear. Big kid underwear is cute, and fun, and purchased by your mother.
Girls toss in an additional milestone with the purchase of the first training bra. (Training? I must have failed the training program.)

When you start buying your own underwear (for many men in our society, this phase may never occur) you enter a period of  experimentation, trying out new styles and colors. This phase generally correlates with coming into sexual maturity. Suddenly, the idea that someone you want to impress will actually SEE your underwear makes it very important that your unmentionables are making the right statement about you.

Pregnancy and childbirth bring along a host of new underwear rituals. There's the graduation from regular person panties to maternity underwear to "shapewear." Some women never look back. There's something comforting about stuffing yourself into a sausage skin and knowing your belly, which now has the capacity to change at least two dress sizes on any given day, is firmly tucked into an envelope of spandex.

You know what? Grown up underwear are boring.

Yes, even the ones that look suspiciously like two pieces of dental floss tied to a Kleenex. Or the ones with holes where holes should not be. Even the lacy little tap pants and silky chemise, and the overpriced matching bra and panty set are boring.

Boring, I tell you!

Why? Because they're predictable! It's high time we restored fun underwear to adults. After all, if anyone needs to have fun, it's the people paying the mortgage!

• Have a nerve-wracking presentation ahead? Slip on your Wonder Woman or Superman underwear and fly to the office!
  
• Battling depression? Pull out those Muppet undies. It's hard to be depressed with Animal on your hiney.
• Want to renew the intimacy in your relationship? Lose the embarrassing lingerie. How about a matched set of Shrek and Fiona underwear, instead? 
• Feeling a bit forgetful? Pick up a set of those seven-days-in-a-week panties. At least you'll be able to remember what day it is.

Being an adult is no excuse for boring underwear.