So...
I'm probably going to end up in all kinds of trouble for this, but, oh well.

Cussing is a Big Ugly Deal in the Christian community. Otherwise kind and loving churchgoers are unfriending people for cussing on Facebook, writing snarky reviews if an author uses the F-bomb, and are generally horrified by the appearance of words that earn a "bleep" on primetime TV and quite a few words that don't.

Now, don't misunderstand me... If you can't communicate your story/movie/TV program/article/interview/FB post/Tweet without using a series of repetitive F-bombs, you are a lousy communicator. Buy a dictionary and read it, please. While you're at it, pick up a thesaurus.

BUT... on the other hand, everyone who gets all "judge-y" about the proliferation of redundant cuss words needs to stop and examine their own speech. Saying "fudge" or "frick" or "fooey" in a moment of frustration, anger, or rage is just a candy-coated version of the F-bomb. The motive behind an outburst of "poop" or "crap" or "darn it" isn't any different than the less socially acceptable forms. It's the motive behind our words that counts, not the order in which we string our letters and syllables.

My point? All of you who cringe in horror and get offended when you see a "bad" word, it's time to step back and recognize that we all say "bad" words. It's a heart issue, not a vocabulary issue, and unless your heart is perfect, you're guilty of the same crime. Have a little mercy, if not for the sake of those doing the cussing, then for your own sake.

On that note... if you have friends who don't ordinarily avail themselves of F-bombs and S-words and the like as part of their regular, lazy, uneducated vocabulary, and you see those friends availing themselves of these words in their tweets or FB status updates, PLEASE take the time to ask them what's going on in their lives and how you can help. People who don't usually use profanity to express themselves and then suddenly begin doing so are usually in some kind of crisis: spiritual, emotional, mental, social, etc. They don't need people pointing their bony fingers and rebuking them for using a "bad word," they need someone to step in, say "what's up, buttercup?" and pray with and for them until they can see the light at the other end of the ugly tunnel they've found themselves in. Just a thought.

Let me repeat myself: There is no legitimate reason for using cuss words (real ones or their candy-coated substitutes). From a writing standpoint there's no real reason for using adverbs, either. Both, in excess, are lazy communication, and we should strive for better. But while we're doing that, let's stop acting like we're worthy of sainthood because we haven't said s*** or d*** or f*** for awhile.

I'm tired of mean people.
From the president to the local pastor, our society seems to have decided to "take the gloves off" when it comes to expressing disagreement with someone's life, ministry, service, opinion, political party, or behavior.

Just a few weeks ago I started following a blog about frugal living. (Under $1000 Per Month) Much to my surprise, one of the posts last week was the blogger's announcement that she was considering quitting blogging because of vicious personal attacks in the comment section. This isn't a blog about politics, religion, or sex. It's a personal chronicle of one family's attempts to live a frugal lifestyle. The comments ranged from slightly snippy to downright cruel and threatening. No one FORCED these folks to read her blog. They didn't pay to read her posts, and she has no authority over them, yet they felt perfectly justified in launching a volley of verbal abuse her way. Why? Because they disagreed with something she said?

Then I read a post from Brandilyn Collins, whose suspense writing and Christian testimony I admire. She received a letter from a reader berating a book she and her daughter wrote together. Now, the individual could have stopped with, "I didn't like this book," (although why we need to tell a writer we disliked their book is a mystery to me, they already wrote it, published it, and can't do anything about it), the person continued with a personal attack on Brandilyn's faith, her parenting ability, and her Christian witness. Yikes!

My kids (who are stubbornly opinionated about everything) are frequently involved in heated political debates on Facebook with their cousins and their cousins' friends. Is that bad? No.

We do still live in a free country, the last time I checked, and we still have the right to freedom of speech. But when an adult woman gets involved in said debate between teenagers and resorts to name-calling and personal attacks because she doesn't like their political opinions, something's wrong.

When someone thinks it's acceptable to hang an effigy of the president in a building in Georgia, and the comments following the news story say things like "too bad it wasn't the real thing," and "the only way to solve this problem is with another civil war," something is dreadfully wrong with our nation.

When I was little and threw a temper tantrum my mother would send me to my room with the admonition, "Don't come out until you can be civil." 

To be "civil" means to be courteous and polite. It's interesting that the words civilization and citizen are directly related to the word civil, and the word polite and political have the same roots. Courtesy is the act of being kind and considerate of another.

Can we express our disapproval of a situation, our disagreement with a position or opinion, in a civil manner? Or must we resort to name-calling, stick-throwing, Neanderthal methods of self-expression? Add to that the use of foul (and frequently misspelled) language and the picture of our culture today becomes one of a society of  poorly educated, out-of-control, angry people who resort to abuse and manipulation and lies in order to prove that they are "right."

A minister whose teaching I enjoy once said that if your highest calling in life is to attack other people, that's a very low level of living indeed. Another minister said since the devil is referred to in Revelation as "the accuser of the brethren," we ought to take care not to get lumped into the same category.


Let's rise up to a higher standard than the one set by brawling toddlers and dog packs.
Let's be civil to each other. We're all old enough to know what that means.

~Niki