Women's lives are made up of circles. (Men's lives might be, too, but I'm not a man so I can't testify.) We have a family circle, a close friends circle, a church circle, a work circle, maybe a gym circle or a hobby circle. With the advent of the internet, we now have email circles and Facebook circles and blogging circles and LinkedIn circles, too. Those circles are precious and important to our mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

“I think that is one reason why women live longer than men. Friendship between women is different than friendship between men. We talk about different things. We delve deep. We go under, even if we haven’t seen each other for years. There are hormones that are released from women to other women that are healthy and do away with the stress hormones … It’s my women friends that keep starch in my spine and without them, I don’t know where I would be. We have to just hang together and help each other.” —Jane Fonda, Vanity Fair, January 2015

Eight years ago I was invited to join a circle of women who blogged together, focused on our mutual goal of becoming published inspirational authors. Through email and blogging, those women became my friends and my sisters in spirit. They were (are) my prayer partners, my encouragers, and sometimes my commiserators. I love them.
Shortly after my hysterectomy, which followed close on the heels of an uncomfortable move and a dramatic change in lifestyle, I was welcomed into a circle of women who gathered weekly to practice Reiki. We were all from different backgrounds, religions, generations, and every other socio-political-economic-educational difference you can imagine. And those women became my friends, my sisters in spirit. Healing came to me through their hands, physically and emotionally and spiritually. They offered love unconditionally, and I needed that. I love them.

“Women understand. We may share experiences, make jokes, paint pictures, and describe humiliations that mean nothing to men, but women understand. The odd thing about these deep and personal connections of women is that they often ignore barriers of age, economics, worldly experience, race, culture — all the barriers that, in male or mixed society, had seemed so difficult to cross.” —Gloria Steinem, New York Magazine, December 1971 

Tonight I had the privilege (and I count it a privilege) of being included in a women's new moon circle. Coming together on the new moon, creating a sacred space of trust and inclusion, setting aside those things that are holding us back and establishing positive intentions for the month ahead, was both uncomfortable and strangely familiar. Again, I found myself in a room of women from all different backgrounds and stories and beliefs. And again, I found myself in a circle of women with each other's best interests at heart.
Women in modern culture spend a great majority of their lives in comparison and judgment and competition with one another, and we are weakened because of it. The circles we build together (no matter how awkward and uncomfortable the building process is... I always feel like an oversharing dork afterward) are building blocks for the future. Not just for ourselves, but for our children, for our society, and for civilization.
Our ancestors understood this. Despite living in eras when women were more oppressed and endangered and vulnerable than we can imagine, women came together to encourage and support and strengthen one another. They did it in new moon rituals, in prayer groups, in quilting bees, and in a thousand other ways. We need to continue doing that. We need to hold one another up, not tear each other down. We are stronger together than we are apart.

"Anytime women come together with a collective intention, it's a powerful thing. Whether it's sitting down making a quilt, in a kitchen preparing a meal, in a club reading the same book, or around the table playing cards, or planning a birthday party, when women come together with a collective intention, magic happens."~Phylicia Rashad

WARNING: There may be words, or the suggestion of words, in this post that you may find offensive. My purpose is not to offend, but to open a line of thinking. 


"Mrs. Turner, you said the "c" word!"
The young man was indignant. I stopped, hit "rewind" on my brain, and scrambled to figure out what "c" word I had uttered. Several unpleasant words I knew I hadn't said came to mind before I realized the source of the offense. I'd said "crap" in reference to something about the lies of the enemy.

I attempted to continue, silently wondering when "crap" became a bad word, and if there were other bad words I had yet to learn.

Photo by Tuassi via Flickr

What makes a word—a collection of letters jumbled together to represent an intelligible sound—a "bad" word? When does a word go from being merely a neutral word to being a cuss word, a curse word, or profanity? If the transformation of a word from a "good" word to a "bad" word is related to its meaning, in which case "poop" and the "s" word would fall in the same category as "crap"? Why, then, are the words "stool," "dung," and "excrement" considered acceptable? That would mean the word "urinate" is OK, but "piss" is not, and "pee" is questionable. Hmm. Logically, that line of reasoning is about as solid as a fishnet stocking.

Perhaps it's related to language. The words "butt" and "buttocks" are considered impolite by some, so they use "derriere" instead. Translating a "bad" English word into French makes it acceptable? Does that mean the use of British, French, or German swear words is less offensive (as long as you aren't speaking to a Brit, a Frenchman, or a German) to God and society?


If it's not related to the meaning of the word or the particular language in which the word is said, it must be related to the intention, or motive, for the word's use. Hence the reason it's OK to go for a ride on an ass of the equine variety, but it's not OK to act like one. When referring to a female dog, you can call her a bitch. But to call your wife that is not only to declare yourself a dog, it's to put your life at risk. (Never call the person responsible for your food preparation nasty names.)

Of course, that logic puts many of the words that slip from our lips in the curse word category. Mean words, fear-filled words, hateful words, lying words, words full of doubt and unbelief. To "curse" something means to speak evil of a thing or a person. It's the opposite of "bless."

That means calling my house a dump, or my car a lemon is the equivalent of calling the car a piece of s*** or the house a pile of same, even though we'd never be rebuked for saying "dump" or "lemon."

If we want to play at being the "word police," picking and choosing violations of speech from among our vocabularies, I think we must begin to weigh all our words on the same scale -- by intention and motive, not merely by a certain combination of letters. I'd much rather hear a string of four-letter words spoken without malicious intent than 30 seconds of 25-cent negativity intended to mislead and manipulate. In my opinion, that kind of "language" is far more profane than the utterance of a common cuss word.

Just a thought. 

Sunday marked our 12th anniversary in this small town. 
Lest you think, "Oh, I'm from a small town," I want to you realize, this town is SMALL. In today's demographics, a small town is thought of as having a populace of less than 20,000 people. I'm not talking about that kind of small town. I'm talking about REALLY SMALL.

One blinking yellow four-way light kind of small. One itty-bitty grocery store size small. Where the only places to buy clothes are the feed store and the hardware stores.

Lately, every book I've picked up has been set in a small town. My own WIP is set in a small town. (Hey, "write what you know," isn't that one of the cardinal rules?) And so, in the interest of continuing research, this week I'll be posting my likes and dislikes about small-town living.

Feel free to add your own! I'm interested to know if small towns really are the same everywhere, or if it's different in your part of the country, or your part of the world.

1. Everybody waves.
Honestly, this is a pro and a con. In small towns, people wave for three reasons.

A. They think they know you. Unfortunately, sometimes that means folks wave simply because there are three other people in town who drive the same vehicle, so you never know if they're waving at you, or waving at someone else.

B. They feel obliged to wave. They don't want to offend you, in case you happen to be related to someone important. News travels fast in these little towns, and if you don't wave, your oversight might just be the topic of conversation at the next coffee klatch.

C. They've lived there so long they just wave at everybody. This method is generally recognized by the two- or three-finger wave in which one's fingers are merely lifted from the steering wheel as two vehicles pass each other. This, of course, is the antithesis of the so-called "California wave" which consists of only one finger lifted high in the air.

How is "the wave" done where you live?



Downtown Meeker